Does your personality change in a new language?
Mine doesn't. It would be nice if it did though.
People say that a lot: that their personality changes depending on the language.
People say they’re more outgoing in Italian and more withdrawn in Estonian.
Or that they feel more confident in Kazakh than they do in German.
There supposedly have been scientific studies confirming that. I have no idea how they measured that.
I think there are different norms of interaction in different cultures. For example, in England, you must politely wait in line before getting your coffee. But in Israel, if you stand there quietly and just wait to be served you might never get your falafel.
In Canada, you’re expected to apologize if somebody steps on your foot. (It took me a while to get rid of this peculiar habit.)
Russians do not tolerate outwardly happy people and might punch you if you smile at them for no reason.
When we learn about these different conventions, we adjust our behavior accordingly. Because we don’t want to stay hungry, risk being punched in the face, or appear hopelessly rude and not apologizing when our foot is being stepped on.
We adapt.
But does that mean that our personality changes when we switch languages? I doubt it.
Maybe I feel a little bit smarter in English and more annoyed in Russian, but that’s just because I tend to talk about more complicated things in English than I do in other languages, and I have more opportunities to get annoyed in Russian.
But other than that? I don’t know if my personality changes in different languages. I want it to.
I have a theory that this is one of the reasons some people (we won’t point any fingers) are addicted to learning languages. Because learning a new language, at least in theory, gives you a chance to try on a new self.
Kind of like moving to a new apartment/city/country but without all the hassle of moving.
The problem, of course, is that it works exactly like moving. First, you go and find that new apartment on the hill. It’s empty and beautiful and perfect. Shiny floors, large sparkling windows, no furniture, and nothing on the walls. The perfect view from the terrace. This is where you will finally become the version of yourself that you were always meant to be.
That version of you will be able to effortlessly and naturally maintain a minimalistic but cozy living environment full of non-dead houseplants.
She will greet the sunrise every morning on her terrace with 52 sun salutations.
In the evening, she will relax on the couch covered with handmade cushions and sip herbal tea brewed from herbs grown in her own garden, content in the knowledge that she has accomplished everything she has planned for the day, that her kids have been fed organic gluten-free nutritious homemade dinner, that their 34 minutes daily allotted screen time was spent playing online chess, and they’re spending the twilight hours weaving baskets from palm leaves collected during the recent weekly family volunteering trip to a nearby date palm farm.
This is always the hope, anyway.
But you know how that’s gonna go.
Maybe for the first little while we feel brave and optimistic, proactive and outgoing, while we’re still getting acquainted with this new language/apartment. It’s like we’ve sent our representative there to arrange everything before the rest of us moves in.
That representative is a little too enthusiastic. Some might call her insane. Sometimes we think we barely know her.
She is the kind of person who volunteers to talk to a stranger whose language she doesn’t know but is convinced she can learn in a week. She is the first to raise her virtual hand when Danny from Easy Portuguese asks on their Discord server if anybody wants to participate in their live stream next Saturday.
WTF, crazy person, on live stream? Fortunately, we remembered just in time that we already had a commitment that Saturday that we had completely forgotten about, which made it fortunately unfortunately impossible for us to attend the livestream. Phew.
For better or for worse, at some point the rest of us moves in, carrying our heavy luggage with us…
…and we become our same old self….
And so, what is one supposed to do? The only logical solution, of course, is to move again.
Please tell me in the comments:
Do you have different personalities in different languages?
If yes, how do you do that??
If you’re a writer on Substack, consider recommending Friends with Words to your readers (go to Dashboard>Settings>Publication details>Recommend other publications on Substack). I’ve set out to learn 12 languages in 12 months, hoping that one of them will be able to house the ideal version of myself that I was always meant to be.
What a fun post! I lived in Sweden for two years in college and as I reflect back, I think I did try on a different personality. The early 20's are such an interesting time of self-discovery anyway that it's hard to say what was driving those choices. I think I thought I was a "cooler" me, a Californian in a foreign country, but also I was more reserved, simply because learning a language is hard. Strange enough, when I first got there my Swedish teacher told me that I was the worst student she'd ever had...yep...that was a great day. BUT...one year later, I went to sleep one night and woke up fluent. No kidding. I ran into that teacher shortly after and she said I sounded like a native speaker. She was flabbergasted.
My girlfriend in second-year university (sophomore: US :)) told me that she observed a personality change in me every time I spoke Italian with my Italian classmate: I became more animated, and my whole body language seemed to change.
Du-uh! I was speaking I t a l i a n !!
I think it illustrates what you were saying: we pick up cultural, behavio(u)ral differences. People's permeability to such environmental influences is very, very variable. Some of us (raises hand) are quite sensitive and will (try to) conform, sometimes without conscious effort, and emulate whatever behavio(u)r we see around us, whether it's pharyngealized consonants, hand gestures, standing in line, or even driving patterns.
In fact, I sometimes wonder if such permeability is a major factor in my urge to learn a new language...