How to deal with negative comments

a guide for all thin-skinned creative souls out there

One day recently I had a brilliant idea.

There is a language learning community on Reddit that I sometimes visit to see what obscure languages people are learning and what tools help them do that.

I thought, hey I think all these language-learning people don’t even know about this exciting project of mine, and if I don’t tell them, they will continue not knowing and that’s a shame.

So I wrote a post saying, hey people I’ve challenged myself to learn 12 languages in 12 months and I write a newsletter about it, here’s the link if you want to follow. Then I closed my laptop and went on about my day. It seemed utterly uneventful.

When I opened my email a couple of hours later, I had what looked like hundreds of comment notifications from Reddit.

All the commenters said that what I was doing was dumb and that I was an idiot. Some said an arrogant idiot. Some even claimed I would burn in hell (I might have imagined this one but you get the idea — they were all very very angry with me.)

It felt like the virtual equivalent of being beaten up in a high school bathroom by a group of teenage girls reeking of cigarettes and hair spray. For wearing a frilly polka dot dress to school.¹

I did what I always do when a bunch of strangers yell at me: I got depressed for two days.

When I recovered, I wrote down a list of things that have helped me deal with this onslaught of hatred and that I’m planning to employ next time it happens.

I’m sharing this list with you because maybe it can help someone else who has ever tried to put anything out there that was in any way a part of their real, excited, inner six-year-old self.

(Use it at your own risk.)

Soothing self-talk

Give yourself a big hug and tell yourself, as gently as possible:

"Sweetie. The thing is, if you're doing something crazy like that, people will think you're crazy. That's just how the world works."

Then treat yourself to four squares of Lindt dark chocolate with caramel pieces.

Listen to Zombie by The Cranberries

I don’t know why it works it just does. Listening to this song in your earphones while walking down the street to pick up your eight-year-old from her gymnastics class, is like a cold pack on your soul.

Like a cold pack, it works best in the first 24 hours after the injury.

Assume that everybody hates you

…and your work and your hairstyle.

Stress is caused when our expectations don't match reality. If you walk around thinking that everybody adores what you’re doing, sooner or later you'll get disappointed.

So start with the assumption that people have a burning hatred towards you and everything that you do.

And then… (and this is the hard part) …learn to be ok with it.

As a bonus — if occasionally there is evidence that somebody likes your work — it will just be a pleasant surprise.

Think about the state of the world

Horrible things have happened.

Horrible things continue happening even if they are not clickbaity enough to make it into the headlines.

The point is, at a time when planet Earth is facing an uncertain future, do you really care what Space_Sprinkles3487 thinks about your work?

The general feeling of doom is what gave me the impetus to start this newsletter in the first place. Now it’s just a matter of reminding myself daily that as a species we are still in a very very dark place.

(When you think about it this way it’s impossible not to get a boost of motivation to do whatever it is you set out to do, fearless, because we’ll all be dead soon anyway.)

Channel your inner Eden Golan

…the Israeli Eurovision singer who had to perform to the loud boos of anti-Israeli protesters in the audience.

That woman has balls.

If you’re not a fan of Eden Golan (or if you are understandably worried about the backlash for channeling an Israeli figure²), then channel another someone who did what they set out to do despite loud boos from the audience.

(Also remind yourself that Eden Golan ended up getting the second-highest popular vote.)

Practice curiosity

I was gonna write ‘practice compassion’, but seriously — if you are ready to practice compassion then you’re ready to open an ashram in the desert and you don’t need me.

Compassion goes like this: Space_Sprinkles3487 must be in a lot of pain if he had to yell at a random stranger on the internet to make himself feel a little bit better. I will send him some loving kindness.

Curiosity goes like this: Space_Sprinkles3487 is an asshole but I also find it a little bit peculiar that he took the time to write this hateful comment instead of dealing with whatever issues make him such a terrible person.

Read inspiring works of literature

…about people facing adversities…

I recommend this timeless classic by Mo Willems about a lovely dinosaur who was bullied by a boy trying to convince her that she was extinct

…dealing with cancel culture telling them there is no place for them in this world…

…nearly succumbing to the bullies….

…but still doing what they set out to do or being what they were meant to be…

1. No worries, nothing like this ever happened to me. I just like being overdramatic.

2. I’m a little bit worried now about the backlash for typing a very controversial phrase “Israeli Eurovision singer.”